Types of relationship, its characteristics and its impact on the success or failure of our future relationship

Relationship is a special emotional relationship that involves the exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure.

The roots of the search for connection began with Freud’s theories of love, but the theory of connection is attributed to another scholar, Dr. John Bowlby.

What is the attachment as described by Bowlby?

Bowlby described the connection as “a permanent psychological connection between human beings.” Bowlby shared the psychoanalytic view that early childhood experiences are important in influencing development and later life behavior.

Our early patterns of bonding are born in childhood through the baby / caregiver relationship with the child.

Bowlby believes that companionship has an evolutionary component to survival. “The tendency to create strong emotional bonds for certain individuals is a fundamental component of human nature,” he explained.

How is the bonding style formed?

The bonding style is formed and developed in early childhood in response to our relationship with our early caregivers.

In adulthood, bonding patterns are used to describe bonding patterns in romantic relationships. Our bonding style as adults is thought to reflect the dynamics we had with our caregivers as infants and children.

Attachment features:

John Bowlby says it has four distinct connection characteristics:

Proximity control: The desire to be close to the people who are connected to them.

safe haven: Returning to the person with whom they are associated for comfort and security in the face of fear or threat.

Safe rule: The person connected to him acts as a safety ground with which the child can explore the surrounding environment.

Separation concern: Anxiety that occurs when the person you are dealing with is not present.

Bowlby’s suggestions on connection theory

The roots of the search for connection began with Freud’s theories of love, but the theory of connection is attributed to another scholar, Dr. John Bowlby.

Bowlby suggested that when children grow up confident that their primary caregiver will be available to them, they are less likely to experience fear than those who grow up without such conviction.

Bowlby believes that this belief is formed during a critical period of development, during the years of childhood and adolescence. Expectations formed during that period tend to remain relatively unchanged for the rest of a person’s life.

Bowlby suggested that these expectations that are being formed are directly related to experience. In other words, children develop expectations that their caregivers will respond to their needs because, in their experience, their caregivers have been responsible in the past.

Developments of attachment theory

During the 1970s, psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded Bowlby’s innovative work on her famous study, The Strange Case.

The study involved observing children aged 12 to 18 months responding to a situation in which they were left alone for a short time and then returned by their mother.

The assessment of Ainsworth’s strange situation followed this sequence:

Parent and child alone in the room. The child explores the room under parental supervision. A stranger enters the room, talks to the parent and approaches the child. The parent quietly leaves the room. The parent returns and comforts the child.

Based on the observations, Ainsworth concluded that there are three main styles of bonding: secure bonding, paradoxical insecure bonding, and unsafe bonding.

Min and Solomon then added a fourth connection model known as disorganized and insecure connection. Numerous studies have supported Ainsworth’s findings, and additional research has shown that these early patterns of attachment may help predict behavior later in life.

Types of attachment

First: secure attachment

Securely bound children generally become visibly upset when their caregivers leave and happy when their parents return. When these children are scared, they will seek solace from a parent or guardian.

Communication initiated by a parent is easily accepted by children who are well connected and they welcome the return of a parent with positive behavior. While these children may be somewhat comfortable with other people in the absence of a parent or guardian, they clearly prefer parents over strangers.

Parents of well-connected children tend to play more with their children. Moreover, these parents respond more quickly to the needs of their children and are generally more responsive to their children than the parents of insecurely related children.

Studies have shown that well-connected children are more empathetic during the later stages of childhood. These children are also described as less disruptive, less aggressive, and more mature than children with conflicting or avoidant relationship patterns.

While establishing a secure connection with caregivers is normal and expected, this does not always happen. Researchers have found a number of different factors that contribute to the development (or lack of) secure bonding, particularly the mother’s response to her baby’s needs during the first year of the baby’s life.

Mothers who respond inconsistently or interfere with baby activities tend to produce babies who are less explored, cry more, and worry more. Mothers who constantly reject or ignore their baby’s needs tend to create babies who try to avoid contact.

As adults, those who are well connected tend to believe and enter into long-term relationships. Other key characteristics of securely connected individuals include having high self-esteem, enjoying intimate relationships, seeking social support, and being able to share feelings with others.

In one study, researchers found that women with a secure bonding style had more positive feelings about their adult romantic relationships than other women with insecure bonding styles.

Second: paradoxical attachment / anxiety

Children paradoxically related tend to be very suspicious of strangers. These children exhibit severe anxiety when separated from a parent or guardian, but do not appear to be relieved or satisfied with the parent’s return. In some cases, the child may passively reject the parent by refusing to comfort or may show direct aggression towards the parent.

As an adult, people with a paradoxical relationship style often feel reluctant to approach others and worry that their partner is not returning their feelings. This leads to frequent separations, often because the relationship is cold and distant.

Third: the avoidance link

Children with avoidant bonding styles tend to avoid parents and guardians. This avoidance often becomes particularly apparent after a period of absence.

These children may not refuse parental attention, but they also do not seek comfort or connection. Children with avoidant relationships show no preference between a parent and a complete stranger.

As adults, those who have an avoidant relationship tend to have difficulty in intimacy and close relationships. They often avoid intimacy by using excuses (such as long working hours) or may fantasize about others during sex.

Other common characteristics include failure to support partners during stressful periods and inability to share feelings, thoughts, and emotions with partners.

Fourth: Insecure / scared connection

Children with a scary and insecure bonding style show a lack of explicit bonding behavior. Their actions and reactions to caregivers are often a mixture of behaviors, including avoidance or resistance. These children are described as exhibiting surprised behavior and sometimes seem either confused or frightened in the presence of parents.

Maine and Solomon suggested that inconsistent parental behavior may be a contributing factor to this relationship style. Because the child feels comfortable and is afraid of the parents, confusion results in their presence.

Circumstances leading to any kind of connection

secure attachment: Occurs when caregivers are responsive to the needs of their children.

connection anxiety: In which caregivers are unstable and unpredictable in their emotions. Sometimes they are overly present and other times they do not react to their child. Unexpected fluctuations between caregivers who are emotionally available and then distant, can make children worry about all of their future relationships.

Avoidance link: In this type, caregivers are often constantly emotionally distanced and separated from their child, causing the child to believe that his or her needs will not be met.

Scary connection: Having a fearful parent makes the child feel deep fear and distrust of others, despite their desire to establish a close relationship.

How are connection patterns formed?

Childhood bonding patterns develop based on our relationships with our early caregivers. Researchers believe that a pattern of bonding is formed during our first year of life, between 7 and 11 months.

Peter Lowenheim, author of The Attachment Effect, wrote: “People are born helpless, so we owe it to ourselves at birth to seek and depend on a trusted guardian for protection. The quality of that first connection – beloved and stable, inconsistent or even absent- It actually forms the developing brain and influences us throughout life on how we cope with loss and how we act in relationships. “

Relationship style is determined by how the primary caregiver reacts to the child’s signals when experiencing emotional stress.

It is worth noting that caregivers are not the only ones shaping your bonding style. People bonding styles can also be influenced by other important relationships throughout their lives. A person may have a secure relationship during childhood, however, betrayal, for example, in adulthood can cause an insecure relationship.

Al-Nahda News

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