But all studies do not matter, the important thing is that there are times when I hate my motherhood, and there are times when I hate myself too, like any living being. There are times when I feel I love motherhood, I even adore it. I am not interested in the number of studies, articles and texts related to this, in the sense that I do not expect them to confirm my feelings. Just as I am not interested in those texts, publications, proverbs and sayings that make the mother superhero, spicy, drum, resounding. There are heroic positions that mothers reach, some or many of them perhaps. Of course there are destructive positions. And the mother herself may be under her influence, sometimes a hero, sometimes a devil, knowing that evil is not necessarily what motivates her to her madness, but rather the ingrained feelings that many mothers still seem unable to detect them. There are also depressions and hormones that manipulate us right and left, up and down, during and after pregnancy, and there are many circumstances that enter the equation, among which the most important are the mother’s relationship with herself and the child she once was. , and her relationship with her husband.
Moreover, any generalization that demonizes the mother, or necessarily praises her as a hero, is not possible, unlike the generalization that all children are sometimes annoying. The issue is very simple, for the creation made for children, for example, a screaming sound that breaks the ears, forcing the listener to move because he loses the ability to hold, and this is a defense mechanism by which a child is born, if he wants or not. This mechanism turns out to be effective every time, so the child will stick to it for years and years with constant vocal disturbances. Children protect themselves by shouting, so everyone is annoying, except dumb children who give parents anxiety of a different kind.
Every day night comes, I take care of my two children and tell them how much I love them. Every night I turn into a princess without crystal shoes, lying on the bed with two little ones, caressing their soft skin and drowning in a wave of love. Night brings more love because it allows me to hear my inner voice. A ceasefire from the raging battles of the day: from their quarrels, their cries, their eternal cries for me, my battles with myself, my surroundings, my people, and so on. Because mothers do not live outside of life, nor are we fortified within walls that burn negative feelings and only love enters them. Mother’s castle is gripped by pain because her balls turn against her and hit her before hitting others. The greatest pain is for those who do not love themselves enough, knowing that they do not know what is “enough” love for themselves.
If I loved myself more at night… If my mother loved me more at night… But connecting love with a certain time of day is not an exact issue on my part.
So much has been written all over the world about motherhood and her dislike. Perhaps it was the academic study “Regret for Motherhood” conducted in 2015 by sociologist Orna Donath that sparked the stories of thousands, if not millions, of women regretting having children. Let us say, at least, that it was the spark of public recognition in the circles of academic and commercial publications, the press and the media, because such a feeling could not be drowned out all these years without the courage of at least one woman. publish it. Since the publication of this study, which later became a book of the same title, studies, articles, texts and stories, written and published in traditional and electronic media, have been facilitated by social media and have reached the poles. of the world.
Although these writings are necessary, especially in light of the centuries-long domination of writings that sanctify motherhood at the expense of the mother, knowing that the number of writings against motherhood has not yet exceeded or equaled the number of those anti. -motherhood, the observer and the reader are now ahead Two camps attract all the attention, the motherhood honor camp and the motherhood hate camp. Either sacrifice or guilt. Two applied evils, feminine and masculine, the third of which regret is inevitable. As for regret, it is “about motherhood and not about the children themselves”, in an explanation that I do not believe any child on the planet understands, because children, although annoying from time to time, are even more intelligent than ever. prevails. that of adults.
“My problem is that I hate everything. I hate giving my life to make her life better. I hate that she does not see what I’m doing for her … I hate the effect of it having children. ” says the mother to a Facebook group that attracts a good number of “repentant” mothers from around the world. in my mental health. “Another mother comments in the same post, asking,” Who likes to be a mom (or dad)? All we do is serve them. Anyone who wants to have children should be a natural herb, enjoy cooking and cleaning. This is all. And I love it. “”.
No one has the right to demand that the mother suppress her thoughts and feelings, because liberation from the weight of these feelings is done only through speech. This conversation becomes more effective in mitigating negative feelings and their impact, such as hatred, on what the mother expressed e.g. on Facebook, repeating the reaction “Hate .. Hate .. Hate”, exchanging it with someone. who is able to understand its dimensions (knowing that not only is it a comforting feeling, but it does not come with any rewarding solution. Hatred is a negative feeling if a person persists, whether it is mother, father or even the neighbor, and regardless of the subject of this hatred.The solution, of course, is not for the mother to be born with educational genes, nor to be a fan of cleaning and cooking to play her current role.There is a big difference between the role of the mother in the lives of her children and these issues closely related to motherhood only in reading or reading obsolete Arabic books and apparently in some social media circles, such as the global group.
How many mothers have fallen under the weight of a society (also represented by the spouse) that imposes (and it accepts) superficially defined roles, without delving into the depths of what the child and his mother need. These roles are largely based on what suits the husband, in terms of his ability to secure the cost of hiring someone to help with these tasks, so that the mother is committed to herself, her work and her children without felt that “she is giving. her life to make her daughter’s life better.” Because she is simply not required to have such a gift and every mother should be aware of this in order to free and liberate her daughter or son from the folly of a similar sacrifice, which will bring no benefit to these children.
I am not a defender of motherhood or childbirth, I am neither a hater of experience, nor of those who repent. I have already committed the sin of pessimism, seeing existence in some cases as a source of suffering that I can bring to my children only by bringing them to life. The possibilities are endless, and the pain (for which I am still working) is an integral part of life, as is sadness, joy, death, anger, and love … One thing I defend, perhaps to the point of savagery, and it is right of every woman to speak of her feelings as She, and her right to satisfactory and adequate answers which help her to understand what is in her mind and to agree with herself, away from cooking and cleansing, and also far from devoted to sacrifice. , hatred, guilt and regret as a way of life. Let one of us repent if she wills and let her cry out for it if she wills, and let her voice reach the underwater cliffs of the whole earth, dare also to face herself, the present, the past and the pain she has experienced. , and to forgive the baby that was a day and to heal the wounds she and the baby that was born.Here is a post.
Between the motherhood hatred camp on the one hand and the honor camp on the other hand, I have to ask as a joke: Where are the mothers who love motherhood the most at night?