Separation .. How to be “elegant” and conscientious, away from the mentality of revenge?

Rasha Kanakriya
Aman – Next to a small travel bag parked in the corridors of a court, holding inside as many memories of a separated family; An innocent-eyed little girl stands with a doll in her arms and sadly awaits the judge’s decision on who will gain custody to live her full life with him.
She does not know why she stands here and why she should always listen to the differences and problems that at a young age she can not understand or understand well, she knows only one thing, that this person standing to her right is the father of saj. which she loves very much, and on the other side stands her mother who sees full life.
She hears nothing but blame here and there and slanderous negative words about the two most precious holidays in her life, each of which means a lot to her, but at some point she realizes that her life will never come back. how was it. , and she must live in a place that will never unite her father and mother!
Perhaps this is one of the painful situations that people are accustomed to seeing inside courtroom corridors, as there are hundreds and possibly thousands of cruel and tedious separation cases, and those that are not without painful situations are cases where one party’s revenge is present. Separation between spouses can be harsh for many spouses, as if they are fighting against those who have years of relationship and love, breaking everything, and the victims remain children who carry within them great pain in their small hearts.
According to experts, there are cases of disturbing separation accompanied by many disagreements that distort the image of the other, and there are those who make the decision to separate in an elegant, peaceful and friendly manner that respects the other. What is important in cases of separation is to stay friendly and civilized, respecting the other party and taking care of the children to maintain and keep in mind their mental health.
Educational-psychological counseling specialist, Dr. Salma Al-Bayrouti, who specializes in marital relations, shows that the decision to separate is not easy and usually one of the partners suffers more than the other and there are many reasons, but the result is the same, which is to reach a dead end.
It shows the importance of understanding that separation is not always a bad thing, it requires courage, but the most important thing is that the spouses do not reach it until all the doors are closed and there is no more opportunity. She points out that most differences are caused by the loss of emotional and intellectual contact and that one is unable to cope with the other due to the accumulation of negative feelings, frustration, disappointment, emotional trauma and pain from the partner. Al-Bayrouti.
Al-Bayrouti confirms that divorce is difficult, but in the end there is always hope that this divorce will not be a bad experience or full of revenge, showing that it is necessary for the spouses to have a distant vision for the coming days, especially . if there are children because the partner will always be part of the other’s life and will unite them. Special cases for children in cases of graduation, illness or marriage.
She notes that the post-divorce phase continues and life does not stop and each party returns to set goals for their life, so it is important that the separation be friendly and civilized.
And she advises Al-Bayrout that in case of difficulty of divorce happening to the other, to go to a specialist whom he trusts to speak and to highlight what is inside him and to empty the negative emotional charges stored in his heart on purpose. to get rid of feelings of anger and grief.
Al-Bayrouti emphasizes the importance of neither couple having any other relationship before giving themselves enough time to understand what happened to them and to be able to accept these feelings and experiences that have passed and look forward to them without any heartache or pain, emphasizing the importance of caring for the mental health of children.
In addition, maintaining the respect and dignity of the partner and that there should be tact and respect in behavior, so that the separation is peaceful.
News sites were buzzing with the announcement of Syrian artist Sulaf Fawakherji about her separation from her husband, artist and director Wael Ramadan, who had been together for 23 years, as she showed everyone that love does not always end in separation. , as she said; “The beginnings are moral, and the endings are moral, and you were a beginning and you have no end in my heart, mind, life and sentimental life, and if we leave, we can not be separated, even if we are separated.” Where she also wrote words of love, loyalty, respect and love for every moment they lived together, for the days they shared and for the memories that will remain immortal.
Psychologically, Dr. Ali Al-Ghaz points out that unfortunately there are cases of disturbing separation between spouses, marked by the use of courts for resolving problems and disputes and can result in harm, which indicates that the separation is smooth or peaceful between the spouses. has positive fruits in the long run in the psychological plan, where there is pleasure, even partially, and the greatest impact is on the children.
The invasion continues that the children most affected by the severe separation are the children, as one party is the victim and pushes the children towards the other party, and this may in the future affect the way the child behaves with his or her father and mother and feels as a stage of loss and indifference.
Whereas in the peaceful separation which is consensual, instead of going to see the children through the court, it happens by agreement in a friendly relationship of the spouses, showing that the conquest that understanding and respect without a court case is better.
The invasion shows that achieving a peaceful separation between spouses requires a quiet consultation session based on dialogue and respect and an agreement to give yourself time to think. If divorce is the best solution and alternative, they begin to determine the right mechanism away from the influence of others around them.
This decision should be according to a mechanism to be determined, the most important of which is the fate of the children, the way to behave with them and discuss financial issues.
Invasion notes that the reasons for separation are usually summed up in the lack of awareness of one of the parties about the responsibility of marriage, especially the group of young people, who often do not understand the responsibilities and dependencies of married life, so are surprised by reality. Also, the inability to cope with situations properly and the lack of psychological awareness of the consequences of married life, which leads to divorce cases.
The occupation adds that the other reason that aggravates the separation is the lack of family role through fair arbitration and fair guidance, as well as the influence of one party or the weight of the hand on the other, which causes injustice.
The invasion shows that unfortunately some men use the distortion of the other’s image, blaming him and putting him in full responsibility, so he justifies himself and can make excuses and excuses that may not exist so as not to take responsibility for divorce.
And the invasion ends by saying that the psychological impact that spouses go through is great just to remember the beautiful memories they went through, but the biggest psychological impact is on spouses having children, so the dimensions of responsibilities become larger. , which causes insomnia and physical and health fatigue. Also, blaming people puts both parties in a difficult psychological state.
According to the annual statistical report 2020 released by the Department of General Statistics, 34.2 percent of divorce cases among men were aged 30-40 (5871 men), while the highest divorce rate for women was in the age group 21 -25 years old. (29.7% with a number of 5103 females).
Cumulative divorce cases (excluding judicial divorce) registered in Sharia courts in Jordan in 2020 amounted to 17,144 divorce cases, a decrease of 10.9% compared to 2019 (19241 divorce cases).
And the total number of divorce cases from a marriage of the same year (67389 marriages) reached 3400 divorce cases, which has come to be called early divorce (divorce from a marriage that does not exceed one year) and accounts for 19.8% of the total. divorce cases for 2020.

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