The romance of distances … How do you keep the spark of love alive despite the distance?

Keeping the spark of love alive in a relationship can be difficult, if you live or work thousands of miles away from your boyfriend, you may think the romance will fade.

According to a Newsweek report, long-distance relationships can thrive if you “follow the right attitude.”

Long-distance relationships are no less, but often stronger, than relationships where couples see each other all the time, said Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey and author of “Stronger Than You Think “.

In a report on distance relationship romance, Newsweek notes that a 2013 study in Family Process magazine supported this view, finding that people in long-distance relationships had more fun with each other, had better conversations, were more boyfriend. , and were more committed and less hostile.

Junior said that when you are separated, you should embrace the idea of ​​losing your partner, and this is not a red flag we can think of, as it encourages behaviors that strengthen relationships like increasing communication, kindness and telling each other how much. we have in common.

“We do not always have the wisdom to know what we have until it is over,” the psychology professor continued. “Having a chance to lose our partner can help maintain the relationship.”

Lewandowski and other relationship experts have identified some of the key mistakes to avoid when away from your partner and loved one, including:

No structure or timeline

It is important to maintain communication as well as plan and budget for your time together, clinical psychologist Anthony Chambers, chief academic officer at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, told Newsweek.

Take care of your partner’s daily life

“An important part of a healthy relationship is being able to maintain a good pulse in what your partner does throughout the day, from the people he spends time with to spending a stressful time at work,” Chambers said.

He added that this is helpful in creating mental closeness and technology like Zoom and FaceTime makes it easier than ever to stay in touch.

Lewandowski also noted that distance allows emotional intimacy to flourish, but that you must continue to communicate through technology, emphasizing that video and audio calls, as well as text messages, create closeness and produce high-quality focused interactions. on larger topics.

Chambers recommends that you and your partner discuss and agree on a number of questions, including how often they will visit each other, who will visit whom, what the rotation will look like, and how long the visits will last.

Budgeting for visits

Frequent travel across the country or even overseas is not cheap and Chambers said you need to talk about how much money you can spend on travel and who will pay.

Whichever way you choose to share the costs, you need to have this conversation so that both partners know where they are.

“Deviant expectations about finances can increase the risk of dissatisfaction,” said Chambers.

Lack of honest communication

Marnie Feuerman, a psychologist licensed in Boca Raton, Florida, told Newsweek that one of the biggest mistakes is failing to communicate in public when you are separated and when you see each other.

You may be reluctant to be honest when you are face to face for fear that conflict might ruin the limited time you have together. When you are away, misunderstandings can become more likely and it is easier to avoid addressing the problem.

“You need to talk about your thoughts and feelings in a calm and open way, as well as listen with curiosity,” Feuerman said. “You need to see if the relationship can survive the breakups and repairs that are a normal part of any relationship.”

“And that honesty extends to your sexuality. Partners still have to direct their sexual energy toward each other and be creative,” Feuerman said.

It is not discussed when and how the separation will end

Long-distance relationships work best when a couple has a shared vision and set of expectations of when to break up remotely, and Chambers said the lack of a plan can generate frustration for one or both parties.

If the dismissal is due to work, this is especially important, he continued, “Spouses will have to engage in difficult conversations about who will move and find a new job.”

Chambers said some couples have a “mobile marriage” where there is no plan to cut, and this is another opportunity couples can explore, though it gets tricky if they have children.

Assuming your relationship will be the same once you are together

You should not assume that you will feel the same after your time at the distance is over.

Visiting a partner for the weekend is a different experience than seeing him or her on a daily basis. Some couples find personal visits embarrassing because they have not been around for a while.

According to Chambers, long-distance relationships can distort and even artificially reinforce feelings of closeness and satisfaction in relationships.

Sometimes people feel a lot of pressure to “perform” and have fun in distance relationships, making each visit a special extra date.

This can lead to memorable moments, but it can also lead to unrealistic expectations for life together in the long run.

“Couples should be aware that once they do not separate, it is normal and expected that the relationship will feel a little out of the ordinary or silent,” Chambers said.

Leave a Comment