The use of communication platforms by parents to raise children is an adventure that threatens the family entity | Ahmed Hafez

Cairo – Muhammad Helmy’s father was forced to turn to one of the closed groups of men on the social networking site Facebook for advice on how to deal with his 14-year-old daughter, who disobeys him and deliberately leaves the house too much. . He asked: What should I do with my daughter and how do I force her to respond to my words?

The “Arabs” continued to respond violently to the father’s words, some mocking him for not being able to openly raise his daughter, and others donating their education experiences to such cases with their daughters, and it was surprising that most of them addressed the use of verbal and physical violence and deprivation of rights in raising their children, such as not buying clothes or cutting their spending and banning them from watching TV.

Some of those who interacted with the father’s speech provided similar facts that happened to them during the upbringing of their children and each of them accurately shared his experience and the best method of dealing with the teenage daughter and forcing her her to respect her parents, from encouragement to intimidation and how repeated threat is an ideal tool to curb youth rebellion away from petting and ignoring mistakes. Father Muhammad, is part of a widespread family phenomenon in Egypt, in which fathers seek advice from friends and followers on social networks, or what are known as “sets” or Facebook groups, on how to behave with a boy rebel. and a girl not engaged in her family’s perspective, then the parents receive advice as successful and helpful in all cases.

The problem is that many parents take other family experiences and decide to apply them to their children, whether it is appropriate for their children’s situation or not, in terms of environment, education and culture, which represents an adventure of unaccounted for that can threaten the whole family entity when tradition blinds these experiences in a clash between parents and children.

Aya Muhammad (from Cairo), a mother of three, admitted she made a mistake when she turned to friends and followers on social media and constantly sought advice whenever she saw misbehavior from any of her children, and revealed the high intensity of rebellion against it after the implementation of what was transmitted to it.From the experiences and stories of the owners it was claimed that it was successful.

She told Al-Arab that she was sure the rebellion that seemed obvious to her three children was due to blind imitation in education and when she turned to a psychologist who rebuked her for what she had done because today’s children are not. as former children and each has his own personality and style and method of education can not be generalized.On children of the same family to have an imported experience that applies to all.

The Internet has become a tool for educating children about raising children by looking at the opinions of specialists and consultants in behavior assessment, reading books and research on the subject, or exploring the opinions of parents, in light of the preoccupation of the leaders of families with the demands of daily life and lack of sufficient attention to children, then are surprised that they have become rebels.

They justify their position that they want their children to reach the peaks of education, maturity and commitment to values, just like the children of friends and relatives, but the dilemma lies in their adherence to the same method of education away from the environment. , customs and traditions and lack of belief that each family has its own privacy, and each boy has characteristics and tendencies that make him different from the other.

Mohamed Hani, a consultant on family relations and behavior assessment in Cairo, stressed that “many families do not realize that today’s children are different from the children of the past and that they need an education that adapts to change, it is difficult to persuade enjoy the few opportunities available to them and it is not easy to adapt to the circumstances and facilitate rebellion to satisfy their desires.

The mother is the first school that raises a daughter and teaches her how to manage family affairs

He added to Al-Arab that “literally imitating education is a risk because it produces counterproductive results that are paid for by both parties, the family and the children. The real problem lies in the conviction of many parents that the primary role is to fulfill the material needs of the children regardless of the importance of providing for the emotional needs of the young person and over time, a kind of departure occurs and the parents may lose control of the son’s actions.

Many studies show that rushing parents to imitate in education costs their children more disobedience because they do not accept a style of education that is not in line with their desires, aspirations and personality and the repetition of violence against young children can returns from the calendar. in destroying the child and becoming immune to any aggressive behavior by individuals in his family.

It is true that imitation in education includes the good intentions of parents towards their children and is related to the family’s aspirations for a healthy education, but importing the experiences of others regardless of the nature and personality of the girl or boy is in it. end the violation of the privacy of family and children; When experience is transferred to paper regardless of intellectual, cultural and psychological differences, a gap arises between the two parties.

Opponents of the culture of transferring the experiences of others in the relationship between parents and children believe that the methods of education followed by a certain family do not necessarily have to be good and lead to the improvement of the children, but they may have personal features. . , behaviors and temperaments that facilitated the task of their families to raise them effortlessly Learning is not in an Education model, but is related to the child’s own inclinations.

The consultant, Muhamed Hani, considered that the ease of transferring the experiences of others in education perpetuates the conflict between the generations, because the children at the present time have a state of respect for their independence and the pursuit of self-determination, and the most they can adhere to is to follow in the footsteps of their parents based on the environment in which they grew up, not the genuine commitment to what other families do.

The problem for some parents is that they worry about evaluating their children’s behavior without paying attention to improving their style at home; A father can always shout, abuse and get angry with his children if they do so without realizing that values ​​are acquired by the family and fathers and mothers are role models for their children throughout their lives, so they should not be forced to follow. specific paths and adopt certain behaviors just because they have succeeded in other families.

It is difficult to change this culture by convincing families that education is not a battle between parents and children. And the use of importing experiences in education and their application without choosing the most appropriate one, reflects the failure of parents in the task of correcting themselves first, and vice versa leads to a dysfunctional education. And the lack of life experience in a proper education should not be treated as importing experiences that create unstable behavioral and psychological generations.

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