I am Sorry! | outlook

I am Sorry!

Written by: Bakr Abu Bakr

Saying forgiveness is a natural condition for many people and saying it here when it is true and comes from the heart.

Apologizing for the negative act and not doing it anymore is the beginning of true repentance and that which is mixed with the culture of forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness, openness and acceptance of the other different.

And because seeking forgiveness, as is the case with admitting a mistake or forgiveness, is a human practice that should be natural given the understanding that it is subject to the same behavior or action that a person commits and not the person his or himself.The person is offended when he apologizes.

Al-Hasan bin Ali, may Allaah be pleased with them both, said: If a man cursed me in this ear and asked me for forgiveness in the other ear, I would accept his excuse.

Al-Imam Shafi’i (also attributed to Al-Buhtari) said: Accept the excuses of those who come to you asking for forgiveness. appearance.

And the poet said: If the transgressor apologizes and the reasoning wipes away his sin * he who does not accept the justification is the transgressor.

There has always been an overlap in the sense of many people between the ever-moving action / behavior, oscillating between right and wrong, and the degrees between them and the person’s personality, which means respect for oneself.

A difficult person should understand that self-respect and pride is not affected by seeking forgiveness and seeking forgiveness, because seeking forgiveness does not come as a threat to him or as an exhaustion of his dignity or respect.

In our Arab society, including the Palestinian one, the culture of forgiveness, then of forgiveness and forgiveness, can be difficult and sometimes impossible despite the prophetic warning and the noble Qur’anic verses that promote it, because of the structural hierarchy ( prevailing father or mother, and understanding of authority / administration subject to authoritarian logic in any form in the state or organization, institution …), and perhaps the inferior class views of others within societies or the superior socio / psychological views that I (or that we as a people, tribe, political faction, family, sect, or …) are better than others! To these factors we can add the lack of a culture of democracy, ie a culture of dialogue, criticism and acceptance.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was busy calling the leaders of the Quraysh, so one of the Muslims (who is the son of Umm Maktoum) came to him and said: O Messenger of Allaah, teach me what Allaah has. the Holy Prophet taught you in one word, but the Lord proclaimed the saying of the Almighty: “He was grieved, and cared to bring the blind man, and he does not know that he can be cleansed.” Do any of us like to remember a situation in which we apologized? But this is the greatness of the Messenger.

In my life I have encountered many who had to apologize, as if they were going to a war battle in which they were defeated, but with their forgiveness they were like handing over all weapons to the enemy and declaring complete submission. !

In other words, it is as if they are signing their instrument of surrender, as Japan did before the United States in the Second European War (the so-called).

I have seen those who apologize and they really love it, so they enjoy the joy of the other sad and feel the opposite joy, and these, despite their sayings in my life, but have attached to my heart signs of love and longing for them. , so they were just a real role model for the teacher or principal, whose image never fades when he apologizes and repents.

The Abbasid poet says: “Iklah Al-Dimashki”

Is not it time for the angry to sympathize?

It has grown unfairly in isolation and drought

No closeness, no anger, no pleasure

Abandonment, and no connection, and no excuse, and no fulfillment

Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch says:[1] That there are 5 main reasons for “refusing to apologize” first: their inability to separate their actions from their personality, and second: forgiveness opened the door for them to feel ashamed as they understand it, and third: they see that forgiveness and apologizing. open the door to more accusations and more internal conflicts They have weakness and guilt. Fourth: They believe that when they apologize to him, they will take full responsibility and acquit the other party of any guilt, as far as the fifth is concerned, he saw that those who refuse to apologize try to control their feelings. , and control them, so they are usually content with their anger and emotions and establish an emotional distance between themselves and others.

In the art of forgiveness and forgiveness, which we must understand, learn and apply within and between us, we have the example of the immortal leader Yasser Arafat, who has always acknowledged mistakes and said: “Consider me making a mistake more a lot. that once, and publicly without fear that his image would be shaken, and as Khaled Meshaal did when he announced a Hamas document in 2017, albeit in a reduced form.

Author Muriel Merak Weisbach says in her book “Obsessed with Power: A Psychological Analysis of Leaders Targeted by the 2011 Revolutions”[2] The essence of narcissism is self-love, which includes a number of traits.

The narcissist usually overestimates himself and his abilities and seeks admiration from others who are confident of his greatness. In her analysis of the personality of the Arab rulers, she emphasizes that they always surround themselves with men who agree with them in thought and who are flatterers and flatterers.

She adds: “They should feel loved and intimidated, can not stand any criticism and are completely powerless to consider the possibility of their people turning against them.” People who display any independent judgment on matters should be avoided, and anyone who dares to criticize an overly narcissistic self-leader, or question his authority, becomes subject to great social pressure. This explains why narcissistic leaders insist on complete control of public opinion through mass communication.

Let’s set aside the leaders, even if in each of us, as Orientals, there is a leader in general! In general, we say that seeking forgiveness, as psychologists say, brings spiritual healing, and strengthens human relationships (between partners, peers, co-workers or political groups, etc.) and achieves divine forgiveness and brings a state of healing and mental health. also.[3]

Bekr Abu Bekri

President of the Fatah Intellectual Academy

Member of the movement advisory board

footnote:

[1] Dr. Jay Winch is a psychiatrist, keynote speaker and author. From his books – The book: Improving your relationships and boosting self-esteem which has been translated into twenty-seven languages.

2 Obsessed with Power: A Psychological Analysis of Leaders Targeted by the 2011 Revolutions, by Muriel Merak Weisbach, Publishing Company, first edition 2012

3 For those interested in reading: When Forgiveness Is Not Enough (Fixing Things With Your Love Ones) by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. He will discover that the book consists of 12 chapters, then notes, and at the end of the book (phrases to avoid saying when apologizing) and that is wonderful, then comes the most beautiful and the most wonderful (phrases to be said when asking for forgiveness The book also says that asking for forgiveness is an art and research has proven that asking for forgiveness has five basic aspects: About repentance, accepting responsibility, compensation, sincere repentance, asking for forgiveness.

[1] Dr. Jay Winch is a psychiatrist, keynote speaker and author. From his books – The book: Improving your relationships and boosting self-esteem which has been translated into twenty-seven languages.

[2] Obsessed with power: A psychological analysis of leaders targeted by the 2011 revolutions

[3] For those interested in reading: When Forgiveness Is Not Enough (Fixing Things With Your Love Ones) by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. He will discover that the book consists of 12 chapters, then notes, and at the end of the book (phrases to avoid saying when apologizing) and that is wonderful, then comes the most beautiful and the most wonderful (phrases to be said when asking for forgiveness The book also says that asking for forgiveness is an art and research has proven that asking for forgiveness has five basic aspects: About repentance, accepting responsibility, compensation, sincere repentance, asking for forgiveness.

Leave a Comment