Marital relations .. Why does harmony disappear and stagnation prevail over time?

Aman- I am visited by many women and men who complain about the lack of harmony in their relationship after several years of marriage, and they describe how their partners have changed from attentive and concerned about their feelings and needs to indifferent people, even selfish at times.
These men tell me about the beginnings of their relationship and the nature of their partners at the time. Their husbands were polite and courteous to them and spoke tactfully and used phrases such as “thank you” and “please” when talking to them, and elegance and adornment were always present when they met and went to meetings between them. , the conversations were interesting and fun and almost never ended between them!
However, this is no longer the case; Their husbands now spend most of their time in front of the screens of their smartphones and computers, getting dressed and combing only when they leave the house and rarely consulting with them when making a new decision in their life. their, and good words and flirtations are withered. also, it is replaced by harsh criticism when things do not go according to their expectations!
When partners recall those days gone by, they feel a mixture of feelings of sadness and frustration, and feelings of lack of sense of closeness that has gradually faded with age. With him today is not the same person with whom they fell. they loved him and chose him as their life partner, but even began to wonder if they were wrong when they married him, or their love ended, simply.
What is changing?
In the beginnings of any romantic relationship, love is fresh and vibrant; Men are excited and eager to spend every moment with their husbands, eager to know every detail about each other and to treat each other with the greatest love and concern. Why? Because they want to impress the other party!
Over time, feelings of passion and passion naturally begin to fade and are replaced by more mature feelings of long-term love. Efforts to impress the other party are diminishing, which is natural and acceptable if the changes that occur are acceptable and not radical.
Emotional relationship problems begin to appear when one or both partners stop showing interest and love for the other party, and when one or both cease to be polite and gentle with the other party, making him or her feel like he or she is living with a friend. his or with a roommate. Here, it should be noted that there is a big difference between calm behavior with the partner, and underestimation.
Tips to maintain intimacy and a healthy relationship
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for the simple things.
Do not think that everything your partner offers you or your family is his duty in this marriage.
Understanding the fact that we all rejoice and thrive with appreciation, and that appreciation motivates us to continue to give.
Be gentle and polite with your partner most of the time.
Providing help to do something. And opened the door for him or her.
Ask him or her how they are and if they need anything.
Listen to your partner or partner and respect their views. and listen to what you say or what he says.
Not to underestimate her or his fears and not to respond to these fears with offense and nervousness.
Adapting and understanding your partner’s point of view does not necessarily mean agreeing with them, but simply respecting them enough to listen to their views, and this is a general etiquette and etiquette that should be shown to everyone.
Have deep and rich conversations.
Conversations should not be limited to the routine and daily chores of living together; Like work or children, it has to go beyond that to be deeper and richer.
Set aside time regularly for partners to sit alone and use that time to discuss essential issues, such as hopes and aspirations, or to share things that have happened in the past.
Pay attention to body language and maintain eye contact when your partner speaks, as this includes respect and attention, as well as not using body language or sarcastic tone of voice.
Do not criticize your partner or partner and do not lower their respect in front of others.
Avoid raising or discussing marital problems in front of others because it is an insult to the partner or partner, and because it makes him feel resentment and shame instead of feeling remorse and regret for what he has done.
Expressing worries and concerns privately, openly and clearly and cultivating a culture of love, admiration and passion for the relationship.
Instead of looking for and blaming a partner or partner’s mistakes, the brain can be trained to look for traits and share them as compliments. Later, you may share or share your annoyance about something you are doing or want to make a difference.
Positive interactions outperform their negative counterparts in a 1: 5 ratio in a healthy relationship, which means that the partner or partner must perform five positive interactions to offset the effect of a negative interaction.
Set a weekly or semi-weekly date to spend time with both partners.
It is better to schedule one day a week for both partners to do their activity as a married couple, e.g. going out to dinner or watching a movie together.
Setting up and adhering to a weekly or semi-weekly meeting to pass the time shows that they care and respect each other and that their relationship is a priority.
Merjem Hakim
marriage counselor
Family Flavors Magazine

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