Sometimes called “morbid bonding”, addiction to love occurs when feelings of bonding and love become overly obsessive and uncontrollable and turn into a form of illness. How does this happen? And what drives some people to this greedy need for love?
Psychologists and specialists agree that addiction to love is a type of behavioral addiction characterized by excessive attention to a person, which leads to lack of control and abandonment of other interests and activities and may be accompanied by some obsessive-compulsive behaviors that lead in. the wife constantly thinks that the husband will abandon her or vice versa, which increases the bond and makes it more complex.
Pathological connection becomes a problem when pathological behaviors increasingly violate other responsibilities and obligations. The partner feels the compulsive desire to seek love because of strong feelings that start with the need for a sense of belonging that deepens and repeats itself when the partner feels abandoned or rejected.
Relationship disorders can occur in children who have difficulty establishing deep emotional relationships with young people, away from the child’s mother, father or primary caregiver, affecting his ability to express his feelings and his ability to build strong relationships later in life.
When we lose love and respect
Pathological attachment occurs in people who have suffered from childhood problems or who have been subjected to severe psychological trauma or abuse, which has left them lacking the love, belonging, acceptance and self-esteem to seek these feelings from others in instead of them coming from within them.
Physical abuse or repeated abandonment can also be a cause of pathological bonding, as these people lose self-esteem and are unable to distinguish healthy boundaries in relationships.
Psychologist John Bowlby describes bonding as an emotional bond that influences behavior from childhood to old age. And that connection begins in early childhood with our relationship with our parents, the way we behave in relationships, and how we allow ourselves to consciously express our feelings.
Early bonding leads to a particular mental pattern of relationships, which continues to shape our interactions with others even after maturity. A pathologically related person tends to place excessive demands on others and may constantly feel an unmet need for emotional exchange and intimacy, regardless of the other person’s feelings or desires.
They also become very worried about the separation, as they suspect that the other party may abandon them at any moment, which pushes them into a kind of one-sided relationship, in which they put all their feelings and want the other party to constantly receiving and exaggerated care and caress in return.
Love is never satisfying
Normal people tend to return mutual love, while people who are pathologically attached to other people can neither give, nor care for the other, whether in friendship, love or marriage, nor show any interest in caring for people other.
Relationships for them are nothing but a way to satisfy their unmet needs. In addition, satisfying love is often motivated by the idealism of the loved one and his ability to meet the expectations of the party involved.
Addiction to love brings these feelings as much as possible, as it makes a person focus on his loved ones as if they were something he possesses, not allowing them to interact with other people, to go somewhere without their company, or even think of others.
To date, pathological attachment or love addiction has not been included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. However, this obsessive love can be an indicator of other psychological problems and disorders, so if a person suffering from pathological love can not control the general symptoms he feels, he has difficulty in regulating his feelings, which can lead to more violent disorders and behaviors.
Other features of pathological love
- True love involves accepting the other person while acknowledging one’s own shortcomings, while pathological love makes the person not see and accept the other person’s shortcomings.
- People who are pathologically attached to the other party refuse to end the relationship, no matter how incompatible it may seem, and it is very difficult to convince them of the idea of abandoning the other party, it may even threaten the other party if he tries to ‘end the relationship.
- The pathological connection can sometimes involve an inactive relationship, such as that of a person with a celebrity or with a stranger they do not know.
- Refusal to listen to the other person’s feelings and refusal to accept any boundaries he tries to create.
- Extremely preoccupied with the relationship all the time.
How is pathological attachment treated?
Attachment therapy focuses on identifying and addressing the cause of obsessive thoughts and feelings. For example, a person may need certain medications to control illusions and negative thoughts. He may need to dismantle those feelings and dismiss them with the other party to avoid the obsessive fear of abandonment. In addition, it is preferable to use family therapy or to help the individual replace positive, constructive thinking with negative illusions.
For many people, therapy is the key to managing obsessive feelings and developing healthy relationships. The therapist often helps to unravel the traumas and events of the past that caused the bond and lay the foundation for a healthier relationship.
It is always difficult to take the first step to breaking a pathological bond because the threat of loneliness frightens the emotionally bound partner, but it is important to focus on your desire to be happy and relaxed. Once you are honest with yourself, you can take action to promote that happiness without relying on anyone else. The diary can also be a good way to confront yourself, monitor thoughts, and write down everything you need to find your emotional peace.