How do you know your partner has turned into an ’emotional vampire’ | Naira Al Nuaimi

Forms of toxic relationships

Although signs of physical abuse can be noticed, sometimes it is difficult to discern a toxic relationship that destroys one’s self-esteem and drains energy.

Therefore, we examine the most common forms of toxic behavior, knowing that these patterns may overlap:

mockery and insult: In this model, one party constantly underestimates the other, in other words, what the other party says and expresses ideas and beliefs finds it simply ridiculous and stupid.

The toxic partner will not stop mocking you and embarrassing you in front of others, and despite your anger and your constant request not to offend you, he will continue his behavior claiming he is joking, he may even accuse you of not having a sense of humor, and this toxic partner tries to simplify his control over you and he is always the owner of the decisions, and if this behavior continues for a long time, you may feel mistrust and unable to make any decision without turning to her.

It is interesting to note that this type of toxic person constantly tells you that you are lucky to have them in your life because no one else would accept you and the goal is to shake your self-confidence so that you do not rebel against. their absolute control over the relationship.

Anger and nervousness: A classic toxic behavior of the partner is “control by intimidation”.

A toxic person often has an unstable and unpredictable temperament, so the other person in his relationship feels like he is walking “over the egg shell” so that they never know what might make them angry.

This constant need for vigilance and the inability to know what will cause the other to explode can affect your emotional and physical health.

It is worth noting that a toxic partner rarely shows this nervous side to the outside world, as they are often seen as pleasant and easy to fall in love with.

guilty feelings: In this type of relationship, the person controls the other person’s decisions causing feelings of guilt and inaction. Guilt induction is created to control your behavior until your toxic partner gets what he wants from you.

Excessive reactions: When blamed, the toxic partner overreacts and sinks into anger, sadness and frustration. The other person finds themselves calming him down instead of discussing the main problem. Worse, he feels angry with himself and that he was “selfish” to the point of upsetting his partner.

reliable partner: One of the methods of toxic control is for one party in the relationship to depend on the other party to make all the decisions, but in return he will act aggressively if the decision made is “wrong” from his point of view, or does not fit. him.

This type of toxic relationship creates a constant feeling of anxiety and tension due to the fear of making wrong decisions, in addition to the feeling of exhaustion about the fact that one party has to make all the decisions.

Independent partner: A person may disguise his toxic controlling behavior by claiming to be “a free and independent human being, who does not allow anyone to control his life,” which always keeps him from his responsibilities and promises, and so on. this person can control you. keeping you unsure of what it will do.

This type of relationship puts you in a permanent state of insecurity and stability, due to your inability to predict your partner’s behavior, or the extent of his emotional commitment to you, which will strongly affect your mental, emotional and physical health. .

User: FAt the beginning of the relationship, the person may look nice and pleasant as long as he gets what he wants from the other party, so the relationship with him is one way, so that one of the parties does all the time and effort, but the toxic person decides quickly end the relationship if he finds a new person who can do more for him.

possessive: At the beginning of the relationship, you may find that your partner’s jealousy is normal and acceptable and you hear it as evidence of love, but over time the toxic partner will follow you with his crazy jealousy, surround you with his suspicions and questions and works to isolate you from friends and some family members, all in order to own you.

What to do if you are in a toxic relationship?

There is no doubt that toxic relationships, in all their forms, can be devastating mentally, emotionally, and even physically for one or both parties.

In an interview with Raseef22, psychologist Rana Al-Sayyah explained that “toxic relationships mean the connection between one person and another, which is similar in nature to the effect of poison that the body rejects or kills its owner.”

Al-Sayyah pointed out that in psychoanalysis, research is about the question to which the person in question finds no answer, explaining that when it comes to social relations, an important question always arises: What does the other want from me?

Rana confirmed that the toxic relationship is by nature a disturbing relationship, in which one or both parties constantly feel embarrassed and that there is a disturbing “something” that can not be defined and exhausts the energy of one of the parties, e.g. the partner engages in it all the time to the extent that the latter is physically and psychologically tired. .

Therefore, Al-Sayah pointed out that in toxic relationships, problems and disagreements are numerous and there is no meeting point that allows building a healthy relationship that grows in a participatory manner and provides security and tranquility for both parties.

It is worth mentioning that people who control their partner or cause harm, intentionally or unintentionally, often have a specific reason behind their behavior, even if it is in their subconscious mind, from here I explained to Rana that the reasons that lead someone to ‘getting involved in a toxic relationship can be related to the personality structure, his model and his personal relationship history, in other words, how someone developed relationship models, starting from the immediate environment, viz. home, through school and friends, down. to the work environment … When he was exposed to a toxic relationship in his childhood, he is likely to repeat this toxic behavior with others later in his life.

As for how to get out of these toxic relationships, Rana stressed that the issue requires effort and time, because toxic behavior is the result of many accumulations dating back many years, hence she stressed the need to return to the person’s childhood . anxious and stay in all the patterns he has gone through in his life and rebuild his boundaries and personal relationships that bring him happiness, with the help of a psychotherapist, because “Looking at the past is painful and a person has to to have someone else. witness his pain and help him consciously rebuild real role models, offering him comfort in relationships. ”

Rana Al-Sayyah confirmed that coming out of toxic relationships is not a “hopeless” thing, especially if a person is aware that there is something wrong with his relationship: “There are many people who get involved in this type of relationship without realizing it. “because they are at the center of the relationship. They live the events with pressure and anxiety and can not determine the nature of the relationship.”

In short, recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship is a vital and essential step, whether you decide to leave and get rid of the relationship or it is difficult and you can not get rid of it, but just being aware of its presence will ‘help you cope with it and not waste your energy.

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