Healing after separation .. Why some do not survive the pain of partner separation? | Lifestyle

Separation from a partner is a crisis that represents a nightmare for many, even the nightmares end as soon as they wake up and realize that what happened was part of a bad dream, but this does not deny that there are those who drown in it. the well of their sorrows, and may feel betrayal, loneliness or nostalgia, so why some people do not heal Who is the pain of separation?

The first piece of advice from people around you may be to learn from the mistakes of experience, deal with activities and friends, and perhaps seek out or pave the way for the emergence of a new partner. But it is even more difficult if one partner goes out while the other is still deeply connected; Suffering from being a rejected partner can be devastating to your life.

Randy Gunther is a Southern California-based psychologist and marriage counselor, and in her 40-year career she has amassed more than 130,000 hours face-to-face with individuals, couples and families.

Gunther says that if people constantly abandon themselves in relationships, they are often judged by others as responsible in some way for the failure of their relationship, and this is not true in many cases. .

Frequent abandonment of people causes others to often judge them as responsible for the failure of their relationship (Pixabay)

A Psychology Today article lists the most common personal characteristics and behaviors he shared with personalities who could not overcome the loss of a partner.

Feeling insecure
It is normal for people to feel insecure when threatened that they will lose something or someone they care about so much. It may take some time to overcome the difficulties, but some people find it difficult to rebalance when a trusted partner abandons them. They feel visibly helpless and hopeless, as if they can no longer trust love. Sometimes, they may not be able to work and their pain exceeds any hope of improvement.

Doubt and fear: If people think they have finally reached the “perfect relationship” and then their partners withdraw, they may despair that they will never find great love again. Relationship partners who have experienced these types of one-sided abandonment, have probably always dreamed of having a special, trusted and loving partner. However, when they find someone who looks appropriate, they may be too afraid to repeat the experience.

Fear of loneliness: If a person fears that love will never happen, he will often tolerate negligence, abuse or deceptive behavior just to stay in a relationship.

If the partner continues to invest in these fears, it will result in one of two things: the other partner will start to feel so guilty that he can not stay, or will stay in the relationship while at the same time looking elsewhere for another loved one.

To not fall prey to depression during the house stone (Pixabay)
If people feel like they have finally reached the ‘perfect relationship’ and then their partners withdraw, they can give up love again (Pixabay)

Relying only on the partner for self-assessment:
It is dangerous for any partner to allow himself to be trusted by the other as the sole determinant of that person’s core value.

If this partner chooses to end the relationship, the rejected partner will have a negative image of himself and may begin to justify the rejecting partner and accuse himself of unrealistic flaws.

Fear of failure:
There are people who are literally afraid to fail at anything; They do their best for everything they pursue and can not cope with the fact that their efforts may not bear fruit in something as important as a love affair.

Because of the fear of failure, they often overreact when something seems to be going wrong, and when their partners leave the relationship, they often take all the blame, thinking they should have done more or better .

There are a number of reasons why people hurt themselves; They may think they have nowhere else to go, or they may think they will never find someone suitable for them again.

They may choose partners they may never love in the same way in return, but they may not accept this end result. They may have seen a parent who continues to sacrifice without reciprocity, believing that this is a noble way to move on with life.

But in reality, no measure of self-hatred or humiliation seems to ease their pain or prevent them from trying to change their destiny.

It is dangerous for any partner to allow the other to be trusted as the sole determinant of that person’s core value (pixels).

In an article for him on Psychology Today, the psychiatrist introduced
Jane Kim, assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University, offers a range of tips for post-separation recovery.

Take some time: Maybe it’s better not to suppress or suppress your feelings, especially right after the breakup. However, feelings can be intense and disturbing, so take your time, go somewhere special, and express your sad feelings by shouting, crying, or even talking to yourself away from the pressures of others.

Listen to sad music: In the short term, listening to sad music can reinforce or elicit painful memories, but it also normalizes the sadness you feel, so that you know you are not alone.

Talk to support people: Family and friends can help, but make sure you understand their boundaries as well. You may decide that professional help from therapists is probably the best and offers a more neutral perspective.

Winter depression can present a real depression, especially if it is accompanied by extreme sadness, despair, guilt, neglect of self, study or work, as well as neglect of hobbies and social relationships.  (Publication is free for dpa clients. The image can only be used with the above text and provided the source is indicated.) Object: dpa Photo: Klaus-Dietmar Gabbert / dpa-tmn / dpa
Listening to sad music can improve painful memories, but it also normalizes sadness (German)

Read books about sharing: The calm words in the separation books that describe what you are going through can be soothing in some ways, and they also help rekindle the logical centers in your brain that may be because your emotional state has temporarily ceased to function. Sometimes we may have to calculate things with reason and logic, not just feelings.

Sleep, eat and exercise: Stay on your regular sleep and eating schedule, and let your anger get in the way of the gym. It may be hard to do at first, but at least trying to make the moves will speed up the healing process.

Meet new people:
This step is dangerous, but it is a way to restore the feeling of survival.

Finally, separation from a partner is a catastrophic personal event, but the person can recover from a broken relationship, the clouds can eventually disappear and separation can lead to maturity, deeper self-knowledge and better days that will let them come.

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