Christmas: How to avoid family quarrels during Christmas celebrations?

Christmas is a time of love and warmth, but it often becomes a time of great family quarrels. Here’s how to overcome your potential conflict and enjoy a calmer season.

There is an English proverb that says, “A happy family is nothing but paradise on earth.” In the same sense, a dissatisfied family is definitely a real hell.

As we approach the Christmas season, many of us will encounter potential tensions and conflicts. Family gatherings often bring out the worst in us, whether it is a refusal to cook quality, dissatisfaction with supposed favors, or a heated debate about our politics and society. values.

This happens if we decide to see family members at all. For many there is no choice but to take family vacations.

And while family conflict can be a source of entertainment in dramas like the Caliphate, the consequences in real life are by no means insignificant.

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“A very common consequence of separation from family members is feeling isolated,” says Lucy Blake, a developmental psychologist at the University of West Anglia and author of the forthcoming book “No Perfect Family: A Guide to Dealing with Chaotic Reality.” .

Except you feel ashamed.

There is no easy cure for broken relationships, but a better understanding of our family dynamics can help us prepare to face the inevitable hotspots and discover ways to cope with stress and tension.

A happy family is nothing but paradise on earth

People are often reluctant to talk about unhappy gatherings and isolation from family members.

Which can make sick people feel a little unusual and may even assume that something is wrong with them that led to this bad relationship.

Blake says social media can contribute to our sense of isolation.

“We often see what family members do during these celebrations, which can make us feel more and more lonely,” she adds.

And data from anonymous surveys suggest that misguided family relationships are surprisingly common.

Blake points to a study from the United States that surveyed 633 middle-aged adults about their relationships with their parents and children.

And in nearly a third of the relationships studied, there was little ongoing communication, though most of these people felt an emotional connection – reporting good and bad feelings to their loved ones.

Among those who had regular contact with their family members, many considered their relationship to be “contradictory” or “contradictory.” The study showed that only 28 percent of the bonds between fathers and sons were harmonious.

Another study, published earlier this year, looked at data from a large study set up in Germany to try to determine the prevalence of leaving among family members.

The researchers considered that fathers and sons separated if they had no contact, or if they had contact in less than a month.

According to these criteria, the study found that about 20 percent of people are separated from their fathers and nine percent are separated from their mothers.

Not all disputes lead to such deep divisions, but even minor family disputes can be very painful and are likely to be the result of some common cause.

Social media can help some people feel isolated during celebrations, such as Christmas
Social media can help some people feel isolated during celebrations, such as Christmas

While any relationship has the potential for tension, family quarrels often stem from conflicting interpretations of the past, and even the slightest comment out of control can provoke controversy.

And unlike friendships outside the family, emotional stakes are very high.

Terry Apter, a UK-based psychologist and author of several books on strained family relationships, says: “In the family, there is an almost instinctive feeling in a person whose most important loyalty is being challenged, their love is “There is always the risk of losing family residence and losing contact.”

The causes and ways of expressing these frustrations, of course, depend on your relative position within the family tree. A parent can still believe that he or she has the authority to instruct an adult child – whether in terms of his or her appearance, career decisions, or romantic relationships.

However, his well-intentioned comments may remind his children of the unfair criticism that is often leveled against them.

Meanwhile, there may be rivalries between siblings over who gets the most parental attention, or who feels most in control.

An annoying comment from your older brother may give you the impression that he still thinks he knows everything, or your little sister’s bad mood may be a sign that she is “acting” to be at the center of attention.

Even small family quarrels can cause significant damage to relationships and can sometimes have long-term consequences.
Even small family quarrels can cause significant damage to relationships and can sometimes have long-term consequences.

And if you experience these events in isolation, you may see them very differently, and your brother’s advice – in itself – can be a little disturbing.

But you can see that it was well-intentioned under normal circumstances.

And you might think that your sister’s anger is once and for all a sign that she is in a bad mood within a day.

However, your family history makes every simple memory of past dissatisfaction make you feel like you are in constant conflict and that the crimes of the past are repeated in an endless ring!

“It does not take much, nowadays, to reawaken things that made you uncomfortable in the past,” says Apter.

“And the fact that you do not particularly like your reactions to such behaviors can exacerbate anxiety and stress.”

Apter notes that relationships with in-laws present a number of different challenges, as one family’s code of conduct may seem foreign to another.

Some things – like who volunteers to do the dishes, or how you approach different relatives – can be taken for granted, and what is considered a friendly joke in one house may seem like an insult to another.

In some ways, reuniting with another family is like learning to live in a new country, it will take time to translate their behaviors and ways of expressing themselves into a language you can understand.

As a result, simple signals can be lost in translation, leading to conflicts that can escalate over time.

If the inevitable friction between you and your father-in-law pushes you to abuse and your partner does not stand by you, it increases the feeling of pain and disappointment.

As a result of your partner having lived with the same family for a long time, he or she may simply not be able to understand your point of view, or – because of accepted roles within the family – feel incapable of intervening, but it does not make it easier to endure what is happening.

And you may think that your partner has completely abandoned you in this unfamiliar area.

“Many times the word betrayal is not so harsh in these circumstances,” says Apter.

Apter points out that many disagreements are often unspoken, adding: “Sometimes you feel silent. It leads to a feeling of anxiety and dissatisfaction – that you can not be yourself or be spontaneous. “

After all, there is no perfect family and there will never be a perfect birthday. But acknowledging our mistakes and each other’s mistakes, as well as the potential for disagreement, can help us all enjoy a better and more peaceful holiday.

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